Does the concept of eating intuitively sound great, but the thought of giving yourself unconditional permission to eat whatever you really want leaves you feeling like you want to bolt in the other direction? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone! Even in spite of knowing that deprivation leads to backlash eating, many people are reluctant to legalize “off-limit” foods and to let go of eating rules for fear of what they believe will happen. So that’s why I’m sharing a mini blog series all about how to navigate some of the more common fears that are holding you back from a peaceful relationship with food and your body. And today I’m starting off with one of the most common fears – the fear of weight gain.
Overcoming the fear of weight gain…
It’s too scary to give up control of my weight.
What if intuitive eating just leads to weight gain and I end up hating my body even MORE?
I’d rather get to my goal weight and then I’ll work on my relationship with food.
I’m just not sure if intuitive eating is the path I want to take because it frustrates me to think of weight gain as an outcome.
No matter what your concerns are around weight gain, just know the desire to lose and control weight is normal. By now you’ve likely made numerous attempts to change or manipulate your body and/or weight, only to be back at square one. Or you’ve spent a ton of time and energy controlling your weight only to feel consumed with food thoughts and stressed out over perfect eating. Or maybe even perhaps you’ve started letting go of diets and some diet rules, but you’re having a hard time escaping lingering scary diet mentality shadows. Does this sound about right? If so, maybe you’ve wondered, “where am I supposed to go from here?”
And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about. How to actually deal with the fear of weight gain and some tips on how to unpack and navigate the struggle. So you can continue to move forward on your food freedom and body peace journey.
7 Tips To Navigating the Fear of Weight Gain
1) Acknowledge The Fear
The reality is the fear of weight gain makes sense. And you’re not alone. In fact, if you didn’t have any fears around starting a non-diet approach to eating and letting go of rules around food you’re likely a unicorn that’s lived under a rock. We live in a very weight-centric and extremely fatphobic and weight biased culture where society believes thinness is best. So stepping outside the lines might feel wrong and for many even very scary. For most, it’s not realistic to just wake up one day and decide to love everything about our bodies or to expect to snap out of all our beliefs and feelings about weight. But with that said it is possible to maneuver away from a life of fixating on fixing your body to a life of actually living in peace in your body. It just takes time.
Letting go of the fear of weight gain is part of the journey.
2) Identify The Root of Fearing Weight Gain.
On the surface why you fear weight gain might seem obvious – to control body size or body shape or the number on the scale. But truly the more rooted fear resides deeper under the surface. It’s what you believe to be true about your weight that creates the fear. Not the weight gain itself. What is the story you tell yourself about gaining and losing weight? Typically, we tie our weight to something. Whether it be an unmet human need, validation, belonging, approval from others or emotional protection. Do you believe weight determines how successful, likeable, admirable or happy you are? How attractive, loveable or worthy? Or perhaps is the fear triggered by a threat to your safety or other powerful emotions such as worrying that people will make assumptions about you. Or maybe the mere risk of feeling humiliated or embarrassed is petrifying.
Like “if I just lose the weight, then I’ll feel more confident and comfortable around other people.” Or “once I drop a few pants sizes then I’ll be ready to date & less afraid of rejection.”
Your fear may be weight gain, but the deeper rooted fear is the source of the real pain.
3) Investigate & Question The Fear
In order to understand the source of the fear of weight gain, you have to investigate and question the WHY of what you believe to be true about your weight and body.
We have been sold the idea that you can and should control your weight. Think about your history with weight loss attempts. Have you been able to “control” your weight? What diet research has shown over and over again is that the outcome is very rarely controlled weight. Rather attempts at weight loss are more likely to result in continued weight cycling. Diet culture sells the idea of “sustained weight loss” while painting an easy life transformative picture. But what most people experience is the exact opposite and if they do have a “successful” outcome, it’s not long lasting. What they’re selling is the illusion of control while preying on vulnerabilities. And anything other than “success” or “control” and you’re made to believe you’re lazy or a failure. All of this contributes to a complicated relationship with your weight, body and eating. None of which is your fault.
Fatphobia & Weight Stigma
Another piece to understanding the why of fearing weight gain is some very likely deeply ingrained fatphobia as a result of the fatphobic messages picked up on in life. We’re infiltrated everyday with these messages and stigmatizing attitudes towards larger bodies (weight stigma). So much so you might not even be aware of internalized weight stigma.
I want to take a moment to talk about and validate your own personal life experiences and reality. My reality is that my thin privilege has sheltered me from stigmatizing experiences those in larger bodies face. In the same breath, I recognize that embracing Intuitive Eating and HAES (Health at Every Size) for me doesn’t come with the added layer of oppression and stigma.
Navigating this world in a larger body IS more challenging. I can’t speak to directly to the experiences or trauma of those in larger bodies. But the fact is people are treated differently for their body size and it sends the message that only certain people get to participate in this world. This is the society we live in and it’s a society trained to fear weight gain. These injustices NEED continued work and further attention. Because at the end of the day, all people and all bodies are deserving of respect.
There are many layers to the fear around weight and bodies changing.
Personal experiences, trauma, diet culture, and a society that values thinness can make it extremely difficult to let go of the fear of weight gain. When you work on making space to explore and question the WHY of your fear you’ll realize it’s because you were told to.
Ask yourself what is the fear of gaining weight shielding you from? Can you determine why you feel those two are connected? Then, can you find any evidence for these beliefs to be true or untrue.
Example: Do you fear weight gain because you’re worried about not finding a life partner? Do a reality check and ask yourself, “what facts do I have that make this true or untrue?” Reframe: I have several friends who are in very happy and loving relationships who are not thin.
4) Shift Your Values Away From Your Body
It’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important in our lives. This is because of how mind consuming food and body thoughts can be. And it’s not always obvious how much mental space and energy gets eaten up by what we eat and how we look. When you start shifting your focus and connecting to your authentic values, there’s less time to become vulnerable to concerns about your physical appearance. What authentic values do you want to invest in? Family? Connections? Experiences? Career? Nature? Define them and tend to them. What do you want to remember in the years to come – obsessing about your body? Or living your life in a meaningful and purposeful way? When you make clear the things you value in your life and about yourself, you can understand that your body’s appearance is not intrinsically connected to your worth.
5) What Do You Need to Help You Overcome The Fear?
Is your fear being validated by comments from others, like family or coworkers. Would setting boundaries be helpful? Such as leaving the room or changing the topic when someone starts talking about their new diet. Or telling a family member how you feel when they make remarks about your body (if you feel comfortable doing so). Would a supportive and safe therapeutic alliance be helpful? Such as a HAES (Health at Every Size) aligned therapist or community spaces that celebrate body diversity.
6) Allow & Validate Crappy Feelings So You Can Nurture Yourself
Confronting fear is HARD. Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations you have recognized simply to be there. Sometimes unpleasant emotions, like those stemming from fear or weight gain, make us want to pile on self-judgment, numb ourselves from our feelings or divert our attention elsewhere. Recognize acknowledging your fear is hard. And validate all the things about gaining weight that cause you to feel unpleasant. Feel the feelings so you can be gentle with yourself. Your fear is honest and REAL and and it deserves to be comforted. Think about how you would speak to a loved one who is afraid. How would you communicate with them? Do you offer yourself the same compassion and kindness or is there a disconnect between the two? The way we speak to ourselves is interconnected with how we feel about ourselves.
7) Commit to Learning, Unlearning & Growing
What can you do to continue learning and unlearning about fatphobia, weight stigma, Health at Every Size, body neutrality, body diversity and body image work? While the reality of fearing weight gain is normal, it doesn’t have to be your reality forever.
Are you ready to dive all in and take the leap into a life where food and body struggles aren’t holding you back? I offer 1-on-1 virtual coaching and I’ve seen first hand that it’s 100% possible to overcome the fear of weight gain. And if you’d prefer to just start by dipping your toes into seeing what food freedom and body peace are all about, book a FREE discovery call. Let’s get you started!
***This post and website are for educational purposes only and should not be considered medical therapy, medical care, diagnosis or treatment. You should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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