The food police are the unreasonable rules and expectations that govern your actions around food and eating. Guilt-provoking thoughts, negative phrases and hopeless statements are constant reminders that you need to be “good” and if you’re “bad,” then you’re a failure. They are housed deep in your brain and they’re a result of the bits of information you’ve picked up from dieting and diet culture. It’s impossible to view eating as a normal and enjoyable experience when the food police have a grip on you. Learn how to be more aware of the thoughts dished out by the food police while becoming more resilient to their unreasonable rules, guilt provoking judgements and demands. Speaking up and silencing your food police is crucial in ending the war and making lasting peace with food. Here are 5 steps you can take to shut down your internal food police.
What is the food police?
Have you ever had a family member or friend say to you “OMG ARE YOU GOING TO EAT ALL THAT?” Or a coworker say “UGH, YOU’RE EATING A SALAD? – YOU’RE BEING SO GOOD.” And you just want to be like “MIND YOUR OWN PLATE AND BUSINESS!” Well, that’s basically the food police. While there can absolutely be outside food policing people out there, there is a food policing station housed right in your very own mind. And it’s this food police that typically rides you the hardest when it comes to food and eating decisions.
The internal food police is basically an inner voice that monitors and judges every eating action as well as everything you eat (or don’t eat). And it makes you feel guilty or less than. They’re the thoughts in your head that declare you as “good” for eating lower calories foods or as “bad” for eating ice cream, burgers or nachos. They tell you what you “should” and “shouldn’t” be eating while demonizing certain foods and praising others. And they are set up by the unreasonable rules and messages that have been created by dieting and diet culture.
Internal Food Policing Examples:
- I shouldn’t eat a bagel – too many carbs.
- I’m hungry but it’s not time for lunch.
- Ugh, I ate too much – I’ll make up for it at the gym.
- No sweets in the house since I can’t be trusted around them.
- I ate carbs for lunch, so no carbs at dinner.
- I deserve a brownie because I worked out yesterday.
- No eating after 8pm.
- I’m craving ice cream, but I’ll wait to have it on my “cheat day.”
Maybe you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal? These don’t sound that bad.” While some of these rules might not seem all that terrible, they can cause a lot of harm. Each one of these rules relies on external factors to dictate food and eating choices rather than internal ones. And with the constant daily reminders that we should stick to the rules, our ability to tune into our bodies and honor our individual needs is obstructed. And it makes it difficult to view an experience eating as a normal, positive and enjoyable activity. Instead, every eating decision becomes a situation where you’ve either succeeded or failed by violating a moral code. And it’s the impossible standards of the food police that set you up for far more failing than succeeding, not to mention overeating and bingeing.
Where does the food police come from?
We are not born with this judgy internal voice. Rather, it develops through years of exposure to diets and dieting messages in magazines, on TV and from friends, family, etc. Foods are often described in moralistic terms: sinful or bad. And we’ve been taught that dieting and restricting are the atoning answers to remove the guilt around eating pleasurable foods. And it’s this diet-like thinking that’s too often normalized and reinforced by society and all the while being cemented into your belief system.
It’s common that I hear people say that they believe they should and deserve to feel guilty for eating certain foods. Simply not true. Both as a collective society and as individuals, we have become numb to the concept of virtuous eating because guilt associated with food and eating is the PERVASIVE message. This makes it really hard to subscribe to the idea of ‘guiltless’ eating.
It’s really no wonder so many people walk around with constant distorted diet-like thoughts on a regular daily basis. These thoughts, based on the messages we receive, become “facts” or “rules to live by” and we never really sit down and take the time to question or evaluate them.
Where did they come from? Who did they come from? Are they even true?
Getting rid of the food police allows you to make food choices based on your own health, self-care and satisfaction, rather than external rules and deprivation. Even if you’re not on a formal diet, your inner food police are still around. And a lot of the time, they might not be all that obvious because they can be DEEPLY entrenched in your psyche. Unrooting beliefs can take time. But once you start practicing becoming aware of these food policing thoughts, they start to become an annoying little voice that you can more easily challenge and stand up to – until they no longer have a hold of you.
How to Get of the Food Police?
Step 1: The key to challenging the food police is to first develop a nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts.
Try to observe your food policing thoughts that pop up throughout the day. Thoughts like “carbs are bad,” “I shouldn’t eat a second cookie,” “I shouldn’t be hungry yet,” or “I should order a salad because it’s the healthiest option.” When a thought pops up just notice the thought as if it were a fly on the wall.
Every day we hold many different thoughts that fill our heads. So we don’t always notice them. Especially after they’ve become automatic from years of continually thinking them. Thoughts have a powerful impact on feelings. So it may be helpful to keep a journal to write down how you feel before, during and after you eat. This is a great way to practice making observations of your thoughts. It could include any emotions such as guilt, physical sensations, hunger/fullness levels, moods, energy levels. Explore any thoughts that may have preceded the feelings.
Step 2: Get curious about your thoughts and examine your beliefs.
Beliefs can initiate a cascade of negativity. Our beliefs affect our thoughts, thoughts affect feelings, and those feelings can impact behavior. The thoughts and rules that come from the food police are generally unhelpful or inaccurate cognitive distortions based on a set of beliefs that hold about the world around you. If a belief does not go unchallenged, the negative thoughts can lead to negative feelings (guilt, shame, regret and so forth) which can affect many of your eating behaviors. So in order to get to the root of a negative distorted thought, it’s important to take a look at your beliefs around food and eating.
Example: If you find yourself reaching for a bagel, and you have the thought “no I shouldn’t eat carbs – unless it’s fruit because other carbs are bad,” begin exploring that thought by asking yourself questions like: Should I never really eat other forms of carbs other than fruit? How do I know eating other forms of carbs is bad? Where did that information come from? Am I subscribing to this thought because it’s true for me or because I heard it somewhere? What has my lived experience shown me when I avoid certain carbs? How do I feel when I only eat fruits as my carbs?
Step 3: Change the the script that plays in your head by reframing the thought.
Once you’ve noticed a thought, work on cultivating a response to the food policing judgments and demands based on either facts and/or actual lived experiences. By doing this you’re essentially speaking up, addressing negative thoughts and changing the script that’s being played in your head.
Example reframed statement based on facts: All types of carbs can be a part of balanced eating. Carbs are an important source of fuel and provide an array of necessary nutrients. And I really enjoy the taste of a bagel.
Example reframed statement based on lived experience: I know when I only eat fruits as my carbs, I have little energy during the day and I end up craving carbs and bingeing on cookies at night.
Step 4: Throw out any absolutes.
Food policing thoughts are generally black and white or “all or nothing.” And they lead to a perfectionistic approach to food and eating. Either you’ve done it perfectly and passed or you’ve done it wrong and failed. When your thoughts work in terms of absolutes (i.e. “only”, “should”/”shouldn’t”, “good”/”bad”) this can lead to all or nothing behaviors. And when the standard is perfection, those behaviors typically end up on the failing side. If you tell yourself “I shouldn’t eat sugar” or “I must stick to my diet to lose weight,” you’re setting yourself up for missteps and perceived failures that can lead to eventual overeating.
We don’t live in a world of perfection or absolutes. And this type of thinking doesn’t allow room for real life. It’s imperative to be flexible, gentle, patient and kind with yourself so you can go with the flow, and adapt to situations in a positive, compassionate and healthy way. Instead of using absolutes in phrases like “should” and “shouldn’t,” reframe thoughts with moderate, flexible and reasonable words like “may,” “can,” “it’s okay,” and “for the most part.”
For example:
- I can eat whenever I feel hungry.
- I can add a variety of carbs to my meals and snacks throughout the day.
- It’s okay to have dessert on a weekday.
- For the most part I will try to include fruits/veggies at most of my meals.
Step 5: Process thinking over linear thinking.
It’s important to recognize that change does not occur in a bubble or on a straight line. Expectations for a linear path of progress with a focus on the end result is another setup where no deviations are allowed. It’s like walking a tightrope to get from point A to point B. As long as you put one foot perfectly in front of the other, you’ll successfully make it to point B. But with one wrong step off the rope, it’s a disappointing and disastrous failure.
So instead of linear thinking, practice process thinking. Process thinking puts your focus on continual change and learning. This means you acknowledge there are ups and downs, but regardless if an experience is an up or down there’s something to be learned. And with all continual learning there is continual change and progression forward.
Instead of a tightrope, it’s more like a journey (sounds cliche I know). There is no destination. And as with any journey or practice, you develop skills along the way. With every roadblock and bump along the way, there is opportunity to learn. And it’s the skills and knowledge you pick up along the way that you can tap into to help guide your decisions on how to nourish and take care of your body in a way that honors the nuances of your physical and mental health needs. For example, “Today I ate more sugary snacks between my meals than I wanted and it left my body feeling sluggish. But I’m learning that by allowing myself to eat all foods, it takes away the cravings and urgency to eat sweets at night. Usually I end up eating way more sugary foods in the evening.”
Process thinkers don’t zoom in on endpoints. They check out the scenery along the ride.
Instead of lasering in on how successful you’re going to be at the end of the week or how much you ate in one day, processing thinking allows you to be more mindful and observant in the present. It helps you to become more perceptive to your body’s signals. And instead of putting all your life’s energy into stressing over how you’re going to perfectly put one foot in front of the other on a wobbly tightrope so you can get to your final goal it makes room for everything else that’s going on in your current life. All the while working towards building a positive relationship with food and yourself.
References:
Tribole, E & Resch E. The Intuitive Eating Workbook: Principles for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food. 2017
Interested in individualized support where eating for health and nutrition isn’t a constant series of temporary end goals but rather a practice of focusing on a long lasting healthy habits that are free of stress and guilt? I offer virtual nutrition and wellness coaching across the US! Book a discovery call and we can chat more about it!
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